Poetic Return

The last post I wrote was January 3, 2015.  A few hours after that post went up my heart shattered with a force I could have never imagined.  How ironic is it that I wrote about the struggle to find myself in the "Two Years Together" post that day and then I immediately was faced with the most devastating experience of my life, my Mom's unexpected death.  In these months following there has been so much on this roller coaster that my life has felt like a combination of a bad amusement park and the movie "Ground Hog Day" where everything plays back, time after time after time.  I've had moments that lifted me in spirit and faith that I haven't felt in years, and conversely, times I was stricken to the depth of bitter doubt and distrust of everything I thought I knew to be true in my life.  My answer is to fight!.  That's what I have done in these months, I've become a warrior of being who I am now and who I've always been.  Finding peace with my new reality.  Here I am nine months later and I have begun to find my poetry again, my zeal, my rhythm.  Naturally, at the base of that yearning for life and adventure to go places I've never thought of, is a dog, this dog Stetson.

It has taken me nine months to find the pieces of my heart that soar when I run.  The first run I took a couple of weeks ago provided a deep soul cleansing and brought me a sense of peace I haven't known since returning from Hilton Head in January.  It was like a crescendo in a symphonic piece playing my heart underneath the striking of my feet.  The slow and methodical increase in intensity of my feet pounding with the weight of all these months below.  I had to reach this moment, I just didn't know how I was going to get there, or where I'd go once I arrived.  I know this peace is fragile, I will honor it and give space as needed in order to continue to move forward.  There's poetry every where in life, but you must keep your heart open, even in the darkest of hours, to find it.

There he is.  Stetson.  That smile, the whine and shrill cry when the sneakers go onto my feet followed by the madness wiggling from his tail stub when the collar slips onto his neck.  Nine months later, he hasn't forgotten a moment of what this time between us is.  My poetry is here again, thanks for pulling me up buddy.  You are my rock and my balance.

Two Years Together

Here we are.  From the bottom of an emotional explosion of the heart to the most amazing and interesting two years of my life with dogs.

He rescued me.  I wanted to run away and hide. I wanted to leave dogs, again.  Mira left so suddenly and under such extremely unbelievable circumstances that I truly wished I'd never given my heart to a dog, somehow the excruciating pain in the moment of our final goodbye didn't seem worth it  And then in my most unexpected moment of angst, Dave asked me "what are you going to do, you have to have a running partner.  I'm not comfortable with you running by yourself, especially at night..." and he began looking at "husky" rescue sites and local shelter websites for an immediate companion.  I slammed the brakes on a rescue "husky".  There was no way my heart was willing to open up to a rescue that I would forever hold up to the expectation of fitting into our life as if we never missed a beat.  It wasn't fair to either of our hearts, or to the dog.

Shortly before Mira died, we had decided it was time to bring a third dog into our fold.  We had researched breeds, thinking maybe we were ready for something different when we finally decided that Siberian was the dog we wanted to stay with and a puppy would fit our needs best.  We purchased a third crate for the truck and began making plans for a puppy that would be whelped sometime the following spring/summer.

And there I stood, not knowing where to turn.  But there was a dog that had captured my imagination.  He was a beautiful Australian Shepherd that had been shown to his ASCA and AKC championship titles and was ready to find his new career.  My heart was shredded, but open so we arranged a meeting and before we had even made eye contact, I knew he was going to come home with us in the immediate future.

Fast forward to today.  Two years we have shared and grown together.  We have tried many new things and pushed each other to levels of training, learning and accomplishment that neither of us imagined before.

We played agility, herding, obedience, running and so much more in these past twenty-four months.  I will always owe him my best and he will forever own the piece of my soul that says, "yes you can" because he always proves that we can do anything we put our hearts to.

One of the Neighbors

We have had a blast with the dogs on the beach this week.  Ours are not trained to be reliable off lead, but this time of year the beaches of Hilton Head Island allow off lead, under voice control 24/7.  It is fun to see people and their dogs playing and walking and socializing.

Our timing has been consistent and there are lots of people and dogs who share our schedule.  We will remember the lady who stands in the surf with a bag to collect shells, the gentleman with the running baby stroller and his two Westies.  A couple who was out there almost every day had another pair of Westies.  The Burmese Mountain Dog puppies who love Edge, and their friends the Standard Poodles.  The two men who walk in the opposite way you would expect; one dog on lead and one off - one is  a Lab and the other a Malamute, yes the Mal is off lead and very reliable while the Lab is restricted to leash because socializing is far more important to her than minding her owner.  A very submissive gal, Edge was kind of creeped out by her licks and lowered head.  The woman on a cane who has a Wheaten that is very, very well trained and reliable off lead.  The same Wheaton however is pretty dominant in stature and the only dog that Edge growled at when he offered a play bow and the Wheatie stood tall in response.  Apparently you only get once chance with Edge, he growled but ignored her as soon as her owner called her back.  Lots of dogs love her, oh well there's always the Burmer puppy girl for Edge. It has been fun to stop and chat, acknowledge each other's lovely canine companions and generally enjoy the company of a select few on a daily basis.

This morning as we were walking a woman on a bicycle came up and began to chat.  She said her sister had Australian Shepherds and wanted to know our guys names.  She was heading home today and wanted to be able to tell her sister about Stetson and Edge and how lovely she thought they were.

The beach has previously been a place of solitude for me.  Another spot where I just draw up into my world with my dog.  I suppose this year was different since there wasn't much "running".  I also was lucky to have Dave with me all but one outing.

I am filled with peace and gratitude for all we have been able to do this week.  Glad to be just one of the neighbors down here and not a stranger.